JackTales

Just a quick update. You know, when your wife has had a heart transplant and three bouts with cancer, you feel silly when you whine about a cold or a hangnail. Which I do. Now, a sucking chest wound, I might just ask for a band-aid. It’s a guy thing…

So, take that into context, that I’m not whining here, just explaining why I haven’t posted anything in a while. I seem to have a case of…something. It’s arthritis, but it’s really aggressive and it’s getting worse, and just to be annoying, it seems to have come with a palsy. So it’s been kind of painful to type. Yeah, yeah, I’ve finally relented and have an appointment with an orthopedist for a start.

Walking with two steel braces on your knees, another brace on your ankle, two arthritis compression gloves on your hands covered by two wrist braces is really a pain in the ass. Which I haven’t managed to contract so far, thank god.  I have employees who are perfectly capable of being pain in the asses without any help. Back and neck seems just fine though. And I have my lovely cane collection. For your edification, contemporary sword canes are pretty useless. You have to unscrew the handle to withdraw the cane. Try doing that in a tight spot. “Uh, hang on… Give me a second…”

Fortunately, this is as pretty as I’m going to get.

Funniest thing I’ve seen is versions of “Cane Fu.” That’s where someone uses a cane as a defensive weapon in a version of martial arts. Listen, if you actually have to use a cane for support, I have this mental picture of trying to kick someone’s ass, and falling down. “Could you help me up? I’m trying to kick your ass here. Or at least bend down so I can hit you with this damn thing.”

So like I said, not whining, just making stupid excuses as to my absence from anything that requires a lot of typing.

Now excuse me while I go work out on a punching bag from my Lazy-Boy. Would you mind pushing that thing over here for me?