Posts Tagged ‘homesick’

You can’t go home again.

Sunday, January 7th, 2007
I was feeling homesick a while back. After some time went by, I started thinking about what that really meant. I think homesick is a yearning for things you've done, wish you hadn't have done, or wish you could have done differently. It's not so much of a place, but of a feeling, of a time. If I'm realistic, all my old hangouts have become something else, like parking lots now. There weren't many friends, as I was always somewhat a solitary person. I liked being around people, but not really with people. Sometimes not even around people. I was invisible in school, and just worked a lot. Some of those people were close to me, but those ties just wore away with time. Then there were others who I unexpectedly outlived. Tom, Marvin, Vince, Melody, Kathy and more. Kind of wish I could go back and make my peace with some of them. The times I have tried to reach back through time, I've just mostly pissed off the people I was trying to reconnect to. Time glosses over your memories, and you forget how much you've hurt someone or how much they've hurt you. I remember coming out of a store once, and seeing a harvest moon. Fat, orange, and huge, hanging in space above me. I've never seen one like it again. Wanting to go home is a little like that. It becomes huge in your memory, but you don't get to go home again.
Fort Wayne